Emotions on the road:
Embracing Femininity As A Solo Traveller.
I have battled with the concept femininity for 21 years and firmly believe that solo travel has helped heal this relationship. Backpacking has never been about seeing as many countries as possible or ticking things off the bucket list, to me, this time has been spent answering my own questions, shedding expectations and embracing my vulnerability. The adventures come as a huge bonus.
1. The beginning
At a young age, like many young girls, I found immense joy in the world of imaginary play- things like pretending to play families and hosting tea parties with my toys. I also enjoyed activities like dressing up, making friendship bracelets and writing in my diary. However, it was only a matter of time before I began to reject these things that were once so innocent and playful. By the age of 10 I made it clear I didn’t want to be seen as “girly”, by the age of 13 I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress, and by the age of 15 I had no idea what I loved or what defined me. All I knew was that I wanted to be strong, and I wanted to be different. I thought to be feminine meant to be fragile, and while this concept was never taught to me, just via existing I internalised this viewpoint…and the last thing I wanted to be was fragile. To be seen as who I wanted to be I had to erase the feminine parts of myself, along with lots of other things I loved, all out of fear of how I would be perceived by others. I buried these qualities out of fear they would limit me in a world that valued strength so highly.
Looking back, I see now that the struggle was never about femininity itself, but about the fear of being misunderstood, of being too much or too little. It took years of exploration, personal growth, and experiences out in the world alone to realise that strength doesn’t have to look a certain way. I can be feminine and strong at the same time; nurturing and assertive, gentle and resilient, all these traits can coexist within me.
I feel I no longer must fight femininity – I can wear nice jewelry and paint my nails and that’s feminine. I can write love notes in my journal and be attentive and considerate. I can also climb mountains and be headstrong, listen to heavy metal and choose to be selfish. It is not one or the other – it’s both. And I am allowed to be all of it. I have found that sensitivity is my strength as it gives me the ability to experience the full range of human emotions – the highs and the lows. I’m not afraid of feeling; in fact, I crave it. I want to feel scared, anxious, upset, confused. I want to feel excitement, pride and anticipation, for as long as I am feeling, I am living, and what a blessing that is.
2. On the move
Inevitably, I adopt a more masculine energy when travelling on my own, not out of necessity, but because I’m fully relying on myself. I must have my own back both physically and mentally, I need to take safety precautions, and I am planning and paying for everything myself. I tend to be in survival mode because I have no one to lean on but myself. It’s not uncommon for others to question my independence, but my answer remains the same – I wouldn’t want it any other way. I love that I am fiercely independent because I know I will always be fine on my own. I’ve learnt, through every challenge and adventure, that I can take care of myself in ways both big and small. I have the strength, the resourcefulness, and the courage to handle whatever comes my way, and this is something I am always reminding myself. I have enough faith in both me and the world to know that things will always work out in the end.
Despite this, there are certainly times where it all feels too much, and I need to connect with my tender self again. I believe there are bountiful ways to do so when backpacking, whether that’s having a self-care routine, being creative, or forming friendships. For me the biggest thing is still choosing to be vulnerable. This means acknowledging that it’s okay to cry when the exhaustion of the journey weighs heavily, or when I’m disappointed that things didn’t work out the way I wanted. I encourage myself to skip and jump when the beauty of nature overwhelms me. I allow myself to feel the emotional pull of human connection despite knowing I might never see this person again. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and by doing so I give permission to others to do the same, creating a ripple effect of authenticity and vulnerability in a world that often values stoicism over tenderness.
3. Safety
Onto the most common question – are you not scared by yourself? Of course, the answer is yes, but I know I won’t get anywhere by staying in the safety of what I know. Over time, I have grown to realise that the world is not as scary as it’s often portrayed. When you are surrounded by negative viewpoints dominating the news it is easy to imagine the horrors you may encounter – I have a vivid imagination so this has been a real issue for me, however, once you turn off the TV, stop scrolling on social media and start meeting people in the big wide world, you’ll realise it is not as scary as it is made out to be. Most strangers are kind and are willing help you out if you simply ask. The world is full of good people who are eager to connect, and more often than not, I have been surprised with their overall generosity and warmth.
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t err on the side of caution, there are plenty of safety procedures I believe to be important for if/when you do encounter sticky situations, or to (better still) prevent them from occurring if you can. For instance, avoiding risky situations, staying connected with loved ones, and practicing cultural awareness are all essential. Knowing where you are, understanding local customs, and being mindful of potential dangers can significantly reduce the chances of finding yourself in a precarious situation. One of the most valuable tools in staying safe is trusting your intuition. Every woman knows the power of listening to her gut and this feeling is usually always right, so, if you do feel something is wrong, remove yourself from the situation immediately. It is completely normal to feel uncomfortable when in new locations with new people, but you should never feel unsafe.
4. Female relationships
Circling back to the first section of this post I realise now how much I rejected femininity in the past, I wanted to break away from the stereotypes and expectations I thought were tied to being feminine. But today, I find myself embracing the very qualities I once distanced myself from. I actively want to be like other women; we are silly, empathetic, communicative. One of the best things about being a woman is that it allows me to connect with other women, there is no greater feeling in the world than meeting a girl and just getting each other – sometimes without the need for words. It’s a shared understanding, especially when travelling, as often you’re in the same boat and have shared similar experiences. The relatability is there which is a blessing when somewhere unfamiliar. For me, womanhood is a community.
Meeting a lot of independent women out on the road was a huge factor in developing this understanding. From female hitchhikers to outdoor guides, hostel friends to long term relationships, these are all women who I have looked up to and felt inspired by. I have made lifelong friendships with girls I have met around the world, and even if we don’t talk every day, every month, every year, I still hold them very close to my heart. I would love to mention India, Daisy, Ellie, Malin, Siadhbh, Tina and Elvira. Thank you for showing me the true meaning of female friendship and the insane difference it can make to have someone like you by my side on a trip where I’m supposedly ‘alone’.
5. Settling down
And finally, “settling down” – a term you’ll hear constantly as a woman, especially as you get older. It’s wild to think that at just 21, I’ve already had this brought up to me more times than I can count. But here’s the thing; I enjoy discussing this topic and it’s not one that I shy away from. I meet it with grace because I think it’s important to reflect on what settling down really means to me.
Women have historically been expected to follow a certain life script (marriage, children, caretaking) rather than forging their own paths, this is simply fact. Those who choose non-traditional paths whether that’s through travel, career, or just living outside of societal norms, can face judgment or stigmatization, so to reject this idea is nothing short of personal and political rebellion. I will die by the fact that solo travellers who are women are actively claiming space and redefining the image of what it is to be a woman, especially those coming from countries where travelling isn’t as normalised as it is here in the west. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong way to live, but there should certainly be a choice.
To me, settling down is about owning my own journey and understanding that there’s no universal timeline for how life should unfold. Right now, I’m focused on experiencing the world, learning about myself, and growing in ways that are true to who I am. Personally, If I get the pleasure to meet someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, I’m still not sure whether I’ll ‘settle down’ in the typical sense, but I would certainly like to create a life together; build something meaningful and enriching. I want to love someone for their non-tangible traits like empathy, intelligence and kindness rather than for what they can physically ‘provide’ for me or the material things they may offer. I hope that’s why someone wants to spend their life with me as well, not for what I can give them but for who I am at my core and the way I show up in the world. A shared journey of growth is what settling down looks like to me.
Conclusion
.In conclusion, embracing femininity as a solo backpacker has become a passage of self-discovery for me, yet it is something I believe everyone will experience very differently. Despite this, I hope that there may be people out there who relate to what I’ve discussed. I’ve learnt that femininity is not something to be rejected or confined to any one idea – it is multifaceted, just as I am. It’s not about choosing between being fierce or soft – it’s about knowing that you are both. Being feminine is a source of strength that allows me to connect with other people on a deeper level, and it has enabled me to discover the beauty of independence. While the world can be intimidating, it is also full of kindness and unexpected connections, and I feel extremely privileged that I get to experience them as the woman that I am.
Peace and love, Evie